Once again, there are no two crossdressers who are exactly alike, and that stands to reason. Are all men alike? No. Are all men who wish to be dominated alike? No. Are all women or Mistresses alike? No. Regardless of common interests and experiences, every group who share certain trait(s), desires or behaviors DOES vary in the specific preferences, details, and manifestations of each individual member. So… Then why is it that this double-edged sword must exist that annoys the daylights out of me? Many a crossdresser and woman alike perpetuate certain stereotypes and/or expectations of what a crossdresser “should” or “must” be. This is unacceptable, and where effective communication and listening are imperative in answering the age old questions: “Who am I?” and “Who are you?” (The former to be asked by each CD of himself and the latter to be asked of the CD by the woman/Mistress.) In order to answer these questions, stereotypes are to be left at the door, so drop your preconceived notions, and come on in…
Who Are YOU?: Finding and Accepting Yourself
So… How do you really find and get to know yourself? I’m not talking about those obvious thoughts you have and patterns in your behavior that you know make you “you” and of which you are aware every day? I’m referring to those aspects of yourself that you keep hidden, deny, fight to suppress or simply do not recognize and see. How do you get to these parts of who you are and begin to fully integrate these parts of yourself into your immediate consciousness? How do you then learn to accept yourself in your entirety with open arms, owning and embracing every single component of who you are? How do you learn to love those things about yourself that society -and even those who know you in some personal capacity- constantly tells you are wrong, sick, unacceptable or inappropriate?
The first thing you do is acknowledge that -chances are- it is not going to be simple and easy to reconcile those private parts of yourself that feel incredibly feminine and long to dress in women’s clothing with the persona you show to people externally on a daily basis. You must then acknowledge that these feminine feelings and desires are not going to just vanish and go away because Life would be easier if they did. They have been a part of your psyche for as long as you can remember, and they will remain with you, regardless of how hard you try to push they away. The process of FULL and COMPLETE self-acknowledgment and acceptance can be like a breath of fresh air – freeing, liberating, refreshing – and make you fee like a new person.
The Support of a Woman: How Do You Find One Who Will Accept You?
How do you possibly deal with all of this alone? Well, no one should have to go through such a profound and sensitive experience alone! This brings us to the next action you need to take: You -very cautiously and in a scrutinizing manner, mind you- need to reach out for the guiding, understanding, and supportive hand of a woman who appreciates you and will help you accomplish things you never dreamed possible. If you do not have real time access to a woman who is genuine, caring, and has your well-being at the forefront of her mind, that does not mean that you cannot find one in virtual time.
Don’t Knock It ‘Til You’ve Tried It: The Positive Prospect of Virtual Interaction
Some think that such an endeavor requires in-person activity to be “real” and successful. Let me assure you that this is NOT the case, and the same pitfalls that can exist in the virtual world exist every bit as equally in the day-to-day world. Self-serving intentions, ulterior motives, lack of genuine interest, absence of true understanding, blatant disregard for your well-being, and so many other negative components are out there and all to rampant in both real and virtual time; therefore, you must be cautious and carefully screen those with whom you are considering the possibility of trusting with that part of yourself that predominantly -if not strictly- has been and remains a secret. Only when you exert the effort required to find that “right” female match for interaction will you find true success in being able to trust, open up, and feel a real sense of dedication and unity in the achieving of your goals – and that particular female may well be one with whom you will only speak over the phone and never meet in person.
In fact, that virtual scenario may give you a sense of safety, security, and openness that you cannot find in person – even with a “professional.” You don’t have to worry about being somewhere that you may inadvertently run into someone or see someone you know. Also, you can choose the locale from which will be communicating, and you are free to relax and enjoy the comfort of your own space. Although there may not be that direct, real time interaction -make no mistake- the essential requirements for the successful dynamic you seek (trust, bonding, acceptance, familiarity, unconditional support, respect, positivity, encouragement, and so many other traits) can be every bit -if not sometimes more- fully and purely developed in a virtual situation; therefore, don’t rule out the possibilities of an online Mistress/Woman in giving you experiences that you can’t/don’t get offline or even online with another crossdresser.
The “Right” Woman for You: She Listens and Does NOT Make Arbitrary or False Assumptions
The first and most important trait this woman will exhibit is the ability to LISTEN to you. At your first mention of being a crossdresser, she will not make arbitrary assumptions or force her own ideas of “correct” crossdressing upon you. She will not immediately call you a “sissy,” tell you to bend over for her strap-on or order you to get down on your knees to take a cock in your mouth. Not only is such presumptuous behavior inappropriate and out-of-order, it is rude and completely disrespectful. It indicates a disinterest in learning who YOU are as an individual as well as the interaction being focused around her as opposed to where focus belongs – and that is on YOU! After all, the most important task she has is to actually get to know you, and that will not be accomplished by pushing her own agenda, incorrect stereotypes, and false expectations upon you. You do NOT have to settle for such nonsense – and you shouldn’t!
When trying to find a woman to help you find and express yourself as YOU need and want, make sure she listens to you and actually HEARS what you are saying. You are a special, unique, and real person who has real feelings, and you deserve to be treated accordingly. Even if you happen to want to experience submission and/or humiliation as a part of your feminization experience, those desires do not preclude basic respect and consideration. (Of course, such respect and consideration is a two-way street – especially when you happen across a woman who is the “real” deal and is as invested in your feelings and experiences as are you.)
So… Back to my point at hand: While -yes- there are absolutely aspects of sharing and support that can be invaluable in a crossdresser-to-crossdresser scenario, do NOT feel your desires for expressing your feminization are totally or arbitrarily off-limits to women. It can be a tedious process, but it’s well worth the enhancement of your overall crossdressing experience – and know that there ARE those of us who WILL listen, accept you without question or judgment, and strive to help you as much as we possibly can. YOU just have to take that step…
